Reflections of 2023 / Entering 2024
2023 was an AMAZING year, as well as a very challenging one to say the least!
I started the year of 9 months pregnant, awaiting the birth of a baby who turned out to be Estelle. She came on January 11, 2023 and was a beautiful baby girl. This began my first challenge of a completely new way of life: becoming a mom of TWO. I have to admit, my maternity leave with two under 2 years old was one of the biggest challenges of my life. My husband works two jobs, my mom is not involved in my life, and my sister lives far away. Most of my family and friends were busy working so the majority of the time I was stuck in my house alone with the girls, and trying to adjust between pumping, two babies, my hormones and postpartum, and then later my dog passing away and getting a new puppy. Most days I was up multiple times through the night with both girls, and during the day it was non-stop. I never realized until having my children how lonely motherhood could be in those early days, or how mentally challenging it can be when you may not realize your irrational thoughts postpartum.
I really wish more people would talk about this in our modern society of how not okay it is to be isolating women during these times and all the struggles we deal with alone. Side note: My husband was very helpful and I was lucky to have him during the times I did, but he was also very busy working and doing a lot of midnight shifts so it just so happened I ended up doing a lot alone. Since then, things have calmed down and balanced out much more in terms of routine and caring for the children, I just wish more people talked about and were more supportive during those early times. It is really crucial and makes a huge difference what kind of support both mentally and physically the mother receives during this time.
After this, I returned to work which was a HUGE struggle as the children were both still waking through the night. My toddler always had issues with sleeping, and the baby of course was still adjusting. I returned to work 3 months after giving birth and babies really are not meant to be away from their mothers that early in life, that’s just the truth despite what our society thinks. Besides the heart ache of leaving the baby, I also dealt with extreme exhaustion to the point of leaving work on two different occasions because I literally could not continue going with the little sleep I had. I also dealt with many people who seemed to be upset I was off for a few months, were not happy about me pumping, and very judgmental about me coming back instead of being supportive. I also had people completely gaslighting me. I was actually in disbelief that people could act like that toward someone in my position to be honest. This was quite a challenge for me, but I also was able to recognize that it was not a personal attack on me or my children as my postpartum brain first suspected, but rather them projecting their own unhappiness onto me. In many cases that is a main reason why others will treat you badly or try to make you look bad, is because they are so unhappy in their own life or have low self worth and need help themselves.
Once my baby was around 6 months, so half way through the year, many of the extremely challenging things were over and I was able to get more sleep and start thinking clearly again. This is where I was really able to return to my positive thinking and not feel so defeated all the time. I began to turn all of the lessons of the last 6 months into things I was grateful for and use it to propel myself further into becoming my future self. My girls are one of the biggest blessings in my life, I have extreme gratitude for being their mom, and if it weren’t for them I would never have learned all these lessons and began this journey ever so deeply. I love them beyond measure.
The second half of the year I really buckled down on overcoming my challenges, and continuing to make aligned actions to move forward. I knew the main things I needed to implement in order to sustain my progress was improving my self worth, and sitting in grattitude. This is where (from previous blogs) I hired my coach, really buckled down on my self care routines, and practiced affirmations and gratitude every single day. I knew I could not move forward easily without appreciating the good and the bad of my current situation. It was uncomfortable at first, but eventually it became a normal feeling. I was able to finish the year out with high self worth, in gratitude, and with a more clear direction on where I was being called to go in life. I enrolled in my first class at my current school, and that really confirmed that I was heading in the right direction. I launched my blog and online presence which I had been putting off for quite some time. I also have slowly been able to let go of overwhelm, and begin to let more balance in within my home, motherhood, my marriage, my friendships, my family, and all aspects of life. All of which have been a bit challenging for me since different traumas of my past.
Below is a list of the things I have done or plan on doing to make 2024 an amazing year of growth:
Say yes to my intuition more often
Not let fear stop me from anything
Make my business official
Stick to being my true authentic self
Make movement more of a habit
Get outside more often
Continue finding more balance as a mom
Continue adding healthy habits 1 day at a time
As I write this, today is January 8th, 2024 and I can proudly can I have already made a huge leap and enrolled full time in my Natural Educator program. This was part of me listening to my intuition, and not letting fear stop me.
I hope talking about early motherhood and some of my challenges in life will help others who are struggling as well be able to be inspired and learn how to take action for themselves in their own lives. I know it can be challenging at the time, but you can overcome anything you set your mind to, you just may need the proper tool box to do it. That is what I am here to help provide <3
I hope you all have a blessed year & can’t wait to see what the future hold for us all!
Xo Amber
