My next realization
I definitely felt internal resistance on and off throughout this process, especially with how my maternity leave went and my return to work as well. Sometimes I would allow the chaos to get the best of me and I would barely survive each day. I would give myself grace knowing that with having 3 full time jobs (being a mom, pumping, and my full-time career), some days all I could do is give it my best and move forward. I went through so many internal struggles, including many limiting beliefs and victim thoughts that would still come to the surface every now and then. There were days where I would think, “Who am I to desire a bigger life than what I already have?” “Who am I to think I could ever change my current path?” “I don’t have the time” “I am stuck.” However, with every passing week new things would continue to happen; whether it was at work or at home that kept showing me I needed to continue pressing on and making changes little by little as I had done so far. I could see that these were signs from the universe. Usually, the main things that kept me realizing that I was meant to change paths were: the toxicity at my work place, my children needing me or me wanting to give them more than I was, and lastly the fact that I continuously kept seeing angel numbers all day every day. The angel numbers were especially present when I was thinking about my dreams, or listening to an audio book that resonated deeply with my desires.
So, one day I was working and listening to my current audio book and everything began to click. Much of the advice within the book really made sense, and I knew I could not sit stagnate any longer or keep allowing myself to hold me back. At this point one of the biggest moves that helped me was I hired my life coach back! I had made an extreme amount of progress and now truly believed I could dream bigger, but something was still missing. When I spoke with her, I let her know my main goals were to get over the hump of not FULLY trusting myself that I could hold onto a higher vibration and really pull off my plan; secondly, how to get all my plans off the ground. The coaching program she recommended was directed around Worthiness. Now I realized what I was missing; I still hadn’t fully brought up my self worth! This was another game-changer because now that I was aware of what it was, I had the power to do something about it. As coaching continued, I could feel my worthiness improve so much to the point where I no longer cared what others thought of me, because I loved me, and that was enough.
What a freeing feeling it is to realize that you are worthy, and that you don’t have to be stuck anymore. Negative thoughts, catastrophizing everything, or being in victim mentality are all just thoughts from your ego trying to keep you safe because of past trauma, but now I can choose to LET IT GO. There was a lot of work I put in so far to get to this point, and I am aware that self development is a life long decision. You have to continue choosing yourself over and over again, but it is SO worth it. Another thing I l noticed, was that all the new healthy habits that felt uncomfortable at first, now began to come more naturally. I was even beginning to be able to differentiate between God giving me guidance and my ego talking. I used to have so much guilt and shame for not being able to have the relationship with God that I wanted, but now I finally had unlocked my mind and realized many truths. I just had to continue surrendering and choosing ME.
That pretty much brings us up to today’s date in my story. There is much much more that I haven’t told yet, and also so much to learn in the days ahead. I know I keep mentioning that I feel the need for change, or a new path that is aligned with my life purpose. My main goal for the future is to be able to help others as much as I can by telling my story, connecting with others, and learning as much as I can about healing the mind, body, and spirit in order to better myself and everyone around me. One of the greatest things you can do for those around you is to heal yourself, so that you can shine your light out into the world and make a major impact. Having the girls really gave me a huge motivation to figure things out because I knew how much their little minds pick up on things around them, and the last thing I wanted to be showing them was how to be stuck, have anxiety, have out of control energy, and be in a state of constant panic, and so on. I want the example I set to show them a strong, confident, worthy, positive woman, who is a blessing to her family and to others around her.
I cannot wait to see what else happens for me in 2024, and I truly thank you for following along with my story and being supportive of my choice to be so vulnerable and open with the world. I will continue to post blogs related to my story, self development, natural healing, and all things related.
I hope your New Year is the best one yet, and know you always have some one to reach out to if things seem hard (me). And remember deep down, even if you don’t think it yet, YOU ARE WORTHY <3
Xoxo Amber
